What the girls know, but no one told the boys
Looking at the picture above, you will immediately realize how different and diverse women’s fashion is compared to men’s fashion. And this picture does not cover all areas of women’s fashion at all, but only serves as an illustration of how different these two worlds are.
When Vlasta and I met, we realized that there are things that girls know and do subconsciously and automatically, but they are a big surprise to men. For men who like women’s clothes and struggle with shyness, it is difficult to ask anyone for advice. After all, it is a hot topic, and these things are hard to discuss with the boys having a beer, don’t they? They sometimes have a natural shyness to their loved ones, and if you do not have a girlfriend to help you, it is hard. That is why we thought we might try to help this community.
So what are we coming up with?
We can offer something like a fashion consultancy for men who would be interested in it. We assume that it is much more difficult for most men to orientate themselves in women’s fashion, and therefore they will make mistakes that are much easier to avoid, if they follow the basic rules. You must have read and heard about these rules long before our article, and they are not a major discovery, and are valid for both sexes. However, men’s fashion is much simpler, and more forgiving of minor fashion transgressions.
We are mainly based on our experience and a lot of combinations that we tried on Vlasta. At the same time, we respect that each of us likes something different, but the final impression should still be flattering and nice.
And just like in photography, it is true in fashion that by following a few simple guidelines, you can very quickly improve your style and appearance.
And what guidelines do we consider important?
- Dress according to your age
- Dress according to the occasion
- Dress the right size
- Dress according to the type and proportions of your figure
- Focus on posture
- Less is sometimes more
- Use the correct color combinations
- Wear the right accessories
- If you go with a partner, “get along”
- Pay attention to personal hygiene (trimmed nails, shaved legs, regular visit to the hairdresser)
This is not complete list at all, but we think these rules are particularly important for most important reason: self-esteem.
If men want to wear clothes according to what they like, and not to what social conventions expect from them, several things must come together to create the desired result. Because how these men look is subject to a much greater critical view than in women. At the same time, depending on how you look, you also feel. If you don’t feel well, your self-esteem will drop, your surroundings will notice, and you feel embarrassed. And you are in a vicious circle.
Sometimes we say “it’s quite nice, but it’s a shame that…” about the photos that men share on the Internet. So we said to ourselves that we would like to offer those who would be interested to “evaluate” their outfit with possible advice on how to improve it. The only condition is that they will agree that it will be public. But we say that going public in such an outfit requires a lot more courage.
We have also decided to address each of the above points in more detail in future contributions. Also add some advice on how and where to shop, and possibly where and what not to buy.
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Actually every man not conforming to the male gender role will look weird and what others think about it, depends on their interpretation of the male role model. The only way for a man to look good wearing female attire is to actually present as female. That’s why passing is so important for trans people.
But we don’t want men to pass as woman. We want men to be able to wear female clothing without being seen as the weird gay guy. But to achieve this we need to change the mindset of the watchers and this can only be done by expanding their male role model. It needs to become usual for men wearing “female” clothing. The more men in skirts will be seen, the more normal it will become and it will slowly be incorporated into the male role model.
Of course, there are certain rules for an outfit to look good, but these rules also strongly depend on the watcher. And, to be fair, these rules don’t equally apply to woman. As a woman you basically can wear anything in any combination and it will be seen as progressive and brave and possibly be regarded as the next upcoming fashion trend. Men don’t have that. Men are restricted to a basic clothing set and even by including skirts or dresses, it will be only a specific type of skirt and dress “allowed” for men. So it’s not only about wearing a skirt or a dress, it’s about the possibility to wear anything we want without being seen as weirdo. What we need is nothing less than the emancipation of men. Unfortunately most men don’t want that, because their fragile masculinity is defined by following the restricted male role model. So we also need to redefine what makes a man a man and include that into the male role model…
I understand you’re trying to construct a set of rules which creates more acceptance, but from my viewpoint this concept has a major flaw: It is designed to comform to a certain template. It’s about dressing for acceptance. It’s about making others happy not making ourselves happy. And if we aren’t happy, if we feel uncomfortable, we will project exactly that and other will notice and judge us on it. That’s not the road to self-esteem, because following clothing rules ist not about being ourselves. It’s basically crouching into a cage labeled “Accepted by most”. Self-esteem comes from breaking this cage, it comes from freedom expressing ourselves with clothing the way we feel and being happy about it. Just like woman do… 😉
As a genderqueer man I’m wearing skirts, dresses, nailpolish, makeup for years now and I found that the more I’m happy with my presentation the more other will be happy with it too. So for me the rules boil down to a single one: Dress to make yourself happy. 🙂
The other thing we weren’t told, was how to wear skirts from a practical point of view. That is, at some point, you’re going to feel a breeze, and doesn’t mean you left your zipper open! That you have to consider what you’re going to do with the skirt or dress when you sit down. (or even if you’re going to be able to sit!) That if you pick something up, it can pull the the hem up. (such as catching a pedal on the skirt when you pick up a kids bike!) That crawling under a low shelf, or getting down on your knees, or climbing a ladder, means you might regret wearing a skirt today. That you can ride a bike in a skirt with regular frame, but you need to practice how to get on, and riding with saddle too low is not a good idea.
Well, I would say that this is just something you have to practice. I am strugling specially with the long skirts. 😀
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I agree with many of your suggested rules here, but they are perhaps too strict in applying ALL the ladies’ rules directly. OK, if looking to look like e lady, but maybe not all required when still presenting as a man, but in some traditionally women’s dressing items. I much prefer short skirts to short pants, for instance (cooler, freer, yet neater and less rumply). I wear them with tee shirts or collared shirts and usually a belt and sandals (in warmer weather). I do not shave my legs or wear tights. This seems to work. I have received many compliments and no negative feedback at all. Guys have furrier legs and unless they’re patchy or unusually long, those hairs can remain when dressing as a man, in my opinion, and it still works well.